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		03:19pm 02/07/2003
	hm...i suppose i havent updated in a while. its cuz my computer is REALLY slow lately, and i cant handle it anymore. anyways...i stll like scott. and he keeps confusing me, like making hints that hes my boyfriend (its weird) but we havent even kised. im just gonna let whatever happens happen. tomorrow i leave for HELLFEST!!! im sooooooo excited!
		Read 1 - Post

05:15pm 02/06/2003

mood:

happy

music: incubus - make yourself

i graduated yesterday.
then we had the senior all night party from 10 pm to 4:30 am. didn't end up leaving til about 5 cuz there was a big line to get all of our stuff. the party was pretty fun. i won a megaphone, which i have seriously wanted for SUCH a long time. so i'm real excited about that. there was this like crazy moon walk obstacle course, and all this other stuff. it was a lot better that i had expected. the really cool part was the food. there was all this food (ice cream, white castle, subs, candy, chips, drinks, ect) that were all over the place, and we could just take whatever we wanted.
even though there were some people i didnt really like, and some i never really got to know, its weird to think that last night was the last time i'll see many of them. well, at least not for 10 years.

03:28pm 29/05/2003

mood:

giddy

music: sublime - acoustic

tuesday scott came to see me at work. he asked me for a piece of pie, so i got him one. then he gave me 2 dollars, and i asked him whay he was giving me money and he said 'cuz you're my girl'
AWWWWW!
he also said he likes to think that i like girls a little bit cuz it makes him horny...
then he said i think he doesnt like me. but thats not it. i just dont wanna get attached to him cuz he wants to leave.
so me and chels and erik and i dunno who else have decided that he likes me. cassie thinks he likes me A LOT. we think he likes me, but doesnt want to cuz he wants to leave for cali in like a month and a half and stay there for 2-3 years. so that sux cuz i REALLY like him soo much, its like insane. maybe scott and california is just something he says is gonna happen, and then really doesnt.
me and chels and dave are supposed to go up north in like 2 weeks. yay! ill get to be the 3rd wheel! gotta love that. im trying to convince scott to come. he doesnt know if he can or not cuz hes really trying to save all his money. ill talk to him about it today. if he says he doesnt think he can cuz of money, i'm gonna pay for his stuff...well, at least half. cuz we said we'd go up north this summer, and if he leaves then we cant. and i know how bad he wants to leave.

this makes no sense

11:31pm 19/05/2003

mood:

sleepy

music: the annoying hum hum of the computador

scott spent the night last night. we started watching pulp fiction, but got really tired (around 5 am). so then we went to bed and cuddled. i love cuddeling. its prolly one of my favorite things. then my mom called around 7 to make sure i was awake to go to school. i definitely was not. and when she called i was all sweaty. then i got back into bed and scott was also all sweaty.
AND i ended up only going to 1 class today, cuz i'm so messed up from only getting like 3-4 hours of sleep.
after day care i went to chels' to 'spray for skwerls' me and her and yuri went to the nature center and petted the deer. then we went to 7-11. then back to chels' to play frisbie, but i kept falling down cuz i am so tired.

allyourbassourbassarebelongtous

12:08pm 18/05/2003

mood:

optimistic

music: bjork - post

last night, me, chels and dave decided to go on an adventer. so we drove to the end of 15 mile going west. its so cool over there. we ended up in wixom, and all the end of 15 is, is a loop on a dirt road. we smoked 2 bowls, then drove down a little bit and listened to the frogs mating (it was real loud) then we did some yoga and 'ring around the davey'. it was so fun.
then this morning at 5:30, the phone kept ringing. andrew (step dad) finally got it, and came to my room and asked where my car was. i said in the front. so he went and looked and it wasnt there. i said 'WHAT?!' then he asked who drove me home last night and i said kim. then he said 'didnt you drive last night' and i said no. then he said 'yes you did' and then...i remembered that i did drive to chels's and we took her car.
i felt kinda stupid.
i dont wanna go to work today. i would if it wasnt slow all the time, and if i made more than 20 dollars. theres construction right there, so its been really slow lately. AND its all crappy out, so it'll prolly be even slower. last sunday i made $13. woo hoo!
OH! my mom and andrew and little sister and the puppy are going up north over night! maybe i'll see if scott wants to come over...

10:38pm 14/05/2003

mood:

energetic

music: portishad - dummy

about a week ago, i realized that i am either:
A. obsessed with the deftones
B. insane
C. both A and B

i came to this conclusion while waiting in line for 9 hours (thats right, 1am to 10am) last thursday morning to see the best show EVER that night.
durring lotion, which is one of my favorite songs of theirs, i was seriously less than 5 feet away from chino (he kept standing on the crowd). and i SWEAR on every single that that is holy AND unholy...he made eye contact with me.

now i have to seriously convince my mom to let me go to hell fest with james. cuz i need to get my ticket before midnight tonight or it'll be $20 more!

i also need to make up a shit load of work, or i am not graduating. and i need to write a 4-5 page paper on karma sutra and tantra by friday. riiiight.

oh. and prom was interesting. ill tell ya about it lata

02:49pm 24/04/2003

mood:

anxious

so i guess scott told dave he wants to go to prom with me...like if i asked him he would say yes. and when dave told me that, erik was like 'yeah, i see the way he looks at you. like when ever you walk in, he gets all happy and last night he kept rubbing your back and he kissed your forehead' but i dunno if he likes me and i think i like him but i dunno what to do!
-he tells me i'm cute a lot
-he wanted me to call him while i was up north (but we didn't end up going up north)
-yesterday he wanted me to go see him at work
-i was hanging from a thing at his work and he like put his arms around my tummy and carried me and then put me down and pointed to me belly button ring and was like 'that's sexy, i like it'
-he told shawna 'denise is fuckin cool as hell'
-he's always saying i look hot at work

but i dunno what to do. like i honestly do not know if he likes me or not. and if he does, i dunno how to go about like doing something about it, ya know?

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME?
PLEEEEEEEEEEASE!?

02:10pm 23/04/2003

mood:

flirty

scott might like me
scott might like me!

i will tell you more later.

12:48pm 19/04/2003

mood:

bored

last night i went to the skate park with scott again. this guy came up to me and was like 'the guy in the passenger seat in that black car wanted me to give this to you.' and i guess i looked at him weird and he was like 'i dunno. he just wanted me to give it to you'
it was a folded piece of paper that said:

hey,
i was too nervous to talk to you, but i think you're really pretty and i wanted to talk to you. my name is apollo.
later babe :)
my screen name is : apollo nimo

mmmkay...how 7th grade is that? at first i thought it was just a joke but if it was a joke he prolly would of given it to me himself. i just wanna know if he was for real, how old he is and what he looks like.

and i think i might like scott and perhaps he likes me.
last night i said something about no guys ever hitting on me and he gave me this weird look and was said 'i hit on you all the time, you just don't know it i guess' . and there's this girl mel that he's 'seeing'. so yesterday me and scott had plans to hang out. mel is leaving today to go to europe for a week, so she wanted to see him last night. he was really making a point to tell me that he doesnt want to be 'involved' with her any more and that he really wanted to tell her to fuck off. and he pretty much did tell her to fuck off. but then later her ended up going to see her. he said he still didnt want to, but that he was just to be nice. so i dunno. he kept saying he doesnt wanna deal with a girlfriend (mel's not his girlfriend, just a really attached fuck buddy). i kinda wanna be like how stevo and sandy are in slc punk with scott. but no being with other people cuz thats just not nice.

03:18pm 13/04/2003

mood:

nauseated

music: sublime -bradly nowell and friends

friday i went to the skate park with dave and scott so i could take pictures of scott. then we went to scott's so he could show me that he framed the copy of a kurt cobain drawing i did.
yesterday was kinda boring. but i suppose it was ok.
i guess cassie has some blodd disease thats just like aids, but its not sexually transmitted. thats real freaky. and she's been drinking WAY too much lately, and her parents said that they arent going to support her because she's an alcoholic. i think they're prolly just trying to scare her, because they are like the most loving parents ever. its kinda disgusting. maybe thats cuz im not used to that. so you would think cassie would stop drinking. but no. last night she called chelsea drunk and crying and was like 'i just got some real bad news' and told her all this weird blood disease stuff. cassie's really been pissing me (and everyone) off lately, cuz shes been being really ridiculous and bitchey. but i'm really scared that she has this weird disease thing.
maaaaaaaaan. i don't wanna go to work! i just wanna go to sleep. i have a migrane and feel like i have to puke. not cool. i really do not wanna go to work for 5+ hours. gad dammit.
i can't wait for my pay check to come!
oh! n dav and scott said i have a cute butt! aw.

01:59pm 30/03/2003

mood:

sick

i am sooo happy i got a job. i've needed a second one so bad. julies (day care) doesn't really count, cuz i just egt $50 a week, and thats only if i go every day. but now i'll have money and i can buy stuff when i want to, and not run out of money right away like i do with $50 a week, between food, gas and cigarettes.

i was gonna get the cool tokay gecko, but the guy said tokays are real agressive, and i wold have to handle it with thick, long gloves. i wanna be able to pet it and play with it and stuff, so i think im gonna get this REALLY cute baby leopard gecko. its SO cute. its only this big: ________________________ but will grow to be 8 inches. which is a nice size. so i need to hurry up and make room for a tank and a heater and then buy them and get stuff for in the tank so he can hide and then get him and some meal worms. he is so cute! i dunno if i wanna name him lou dog or something else though. hmm.

vegetables ar what food eats
		10:38pm 27/03/2003
	basics... x. name = denise x. birthday = 10-13-84 x. piercing = 3 in left ear, one is stretched to a 2g and 3 in the right, one is stretched to a 4g and my belly button x. tattoos = libra sign between my boobs x. height = 5'4" i think x. shoe size = 4 x. hair color = very blond x. length = like 3 inches past my shoulders x. siblings = jenell, who is 2 x. pets = skyla (dog) and im getting a tokay gecko soon and naming it lou dog last... x. movie you rented = slc punk and go for social psych x. movie you bought = hmm...prolly deftones live in hawaii x. song you listened to = a live version of 7 words from dynamo x. song you've had stuck in your head = the doug theme song x. song you've downloaded = none x. cd you bought = um...beastie boys : ill communication, cuz my last one got lost x. cd you listened to = deftones : dynamo x. person you've called = cassie x. person that's called you = cassie x. tv show you've watched = 70's show x. person you were thinking of = kwesi do you... x. you have a boy friend or girl friend = no x. you have a crush on someone = yeah x. you wish you could live somewhere else = south of san diego or chicago x. you think about suicide = no x. you believe in online dating = nope x. you want more piercings = perhaps my rook. i was thinking about my septum, but decided not to. x. you want more tattoos = hell yeah. im getting my second one in like a month (well, with my first paycheck) and my 3rd in october and i dunno about the other 4 ( i still have to think about what i want them to be) x. you drink = occasionally x. you like cleaning = when im in a psychotic mood i do x. you like roller coasters = oh yes x. you write in cursive or print = print x. you carry a donor card = no x. long distance relationships = depends on how good it is before its long distance x. premarital sex = yeah x. gay/lesbian relationships = no, but i dont care if you do favorite... x. food = mac n chese (kraft) x. song = man. there are too many. prolly all time favorite is creep by radiohead x. thing to do = frisbie x. thing to talk about = people that piss me off x. sports = pool and hockey x. drinks = sobe and jones soda and jones suice x. clothes = my boy scout shirt x. movies = stand by me and willy wonka x. bands = deftones, incubus, beastie boys, nirvana, bouncing souls...too many x. holiday = halloween x. cars = amc gremlins, eagles and amx's, and a lot more x. ever cried over a girl/boy = uh yeah x. ever lied to someone = no! (what!?) x. ever been in a fist fight = yeah x. ever been arrested = almost x. shampoo do you use = suave x. perfume do you use = sometimes om if the mood fancies me x. shoes do you wear = flip flops or slippers x. are you scared of = spiders, failure x. of times i have had my heart broken?: prolly like 4, not just by boyfriends (i've only had 1!) x. of hearts i have broken?: i dunno x. of boys i have kissed?: uh...im thinkin 10 x. of girls i have kissed?: 1 and i did not like it x. of continents i have lived in?: one x. of drugs taken illegally?: 9, one on accident x. of people i consider my enemies?: there a lot of people i dont like, but no one is my enemie x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with?: still there x. of cd's that i own?: i dont even know x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: prolly like once x. of scars on my body?: like 6. used to be like 30 when i used to cuz myself. but i stopped! --[15 years ago, i..]-- was 3 --[10 years ago, i..]-- was very frustrated by subtraction --[5 years ago, i..]-- whad orange hair --[2 years ago, i..]-- had pink hair and was stoned everyday --[1 year ago, i..]-- didnt realize how much id miss my friends that were seniors --[today, i..]-- got another job, pants, more flip flops and ran out of money and cigarettes. BAD combination.
		Post

'lets bone, it might be or last chance'
		10:12pm 19/03/2003
	man. hearing people talk about how bad their head aches are, always gives me a head ache. i still need to find a boyfriend. this is getting real annoying. chels wants me to be with kwesi, which would be nice. but then maybe i might like scott too. he wanted me to give him a copy of this drawing i did of kurt cobain. so i did. and he said he's gonna get me my first sticker for my car. oh yeah. i finally got a new car! its a 92 sable...but it is SO pimp! it has a V6 and oh man. it makes me drive way too fast though. its name is elanor. i decided that i'm gonna name all my cars after names that are in beatles songs. like my last car was lucy after lucy in the sky with diamonds. she had glow in the dark star stickers on her ceiling. this one is also elanor because it was my great grandma's name and because of gone in 60 seconds. well...good bye
		Post

06:22pm 11/03/2003

mood:

annoyed

music: lostprophets - fakesoundofprogress

well, you did it again. you started pouring your heart out to me drunk again. like that you've never stopped being attracted to me and always have been. and that you were stupid for ever breaking up with me.
i just wish we could really talk.

05:54pm 26/02/2003

mood:

lonely

music: deftoes - adrenaline

i loved cuddeling with you the other night and just talking. i loved how you were calling me 'naneese' like you used to and that i was calling you 'jebby' again, like i used to. i loved how you were saying things i've been wanting to say to you. like how much i miss you sometimes, and how much it sucks that we don't even talk anymore, but we used to be in love. you said you were angry about all those years that you went without me, and that ever since dating me you've had a stomach fetish because mine is so perfect.
maybe it all would of sounded a lot nicer if you were sober.

07:42pm 18/02/2003

mood:

silly

music: deftones - dont fuck with the deftones

hey. sorry i havent updated in a long time. here's the low down on whats been going on:
WEDNESDAY - i got into a kinda big car accident. i was going east on 13 mile, and the light was yellow. my car had just started going 40, so i wouldnt of been able to stop. this woman going east turned left onto evergreen and i hit her head on going 40 mph. they found her at fault cuz she didnt yeild to oncoming traffic. fuckin bitch. so now i dont have a car. and because i had an 89 tempo, it wasnt worth getting collision insurance. so i'm not going to have a car for a little while. presonally, i think that woman should buy me a new car out of the goodness of her heart. after all, if it wasnt for her, i would be happily driving my car right now.
THURSDAY - i couldnt think straight at all after the accident, so i went to burger king with dan and had dave come get me cuz i could not handle school anymore.
and then...i sucked daves dick.
OOPS!
FRIDAY - i came home durring 3rd hour cuz i got bad cramps. then i called dave around 1:30 to see if he wanted to chill for a while and then take me to julies (the day care i work at) and he said yeah. so he came to get me with sara around 2 and we all chilled for a while.i decided not to go to julies. then sara had to go teach geetar, so me and dave went to his house.
and then....i sucked his dick...again.
OOPS!

now he keeps acting like he likes me. and know what? i hope he does. i dont care about what cassie would think...that much.

my sweat shirt smells like him

12:55pm 02/02/2003

mood:

flirty

music: green day - dookie

so, a few weeks ago cassie and dave broke up.
thursday me and dave were driving around and then parked at beverly park. he did the yawn thing and put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. then closer again. then kept rubbing my back and tummy and pulling down my pants a little to look at my underwear. and he tried to kiss me (i think) like 2 times, but it didnt work cuz of how we were positioned.
then friday i went to his house and he was playing video games and then when he was done he ran over to me and laid on me and rubbed my tummy again.
and it was nice. i've missed our cuddeling. he was supposed to go to class, but i got him to skip and stay with me.
but later that night i got in a weird 'no guys ever like me' mood and was talking to dave about it. and then i got better and asked him if he thought i was like that because of him, and he said it occured to him, and i told him it wasnt cuz of him. cuz it wasnt. so i asked him if he'd still cuddle with me and he promised he would.
last night we wrestled. he wanted to do naked wresteling, but i told him that would be a different kind of wresteling. so we didnt...gorman and chels were right there.

02:04pm 25/01/2003

mood:

sick

yep. thursday me and erik got our tattoos. i will take a picture of mine sometime tonight and i will put it up on here. but could someone please tell me how to put pictures in the entry part?
i will tell you later all about gettin inked.

headlight ditch

06:59pm 15/01/2003

mood:

jubilant

music: steppenwolf

Seven things that scare you
1) the future
2) my basement
3) doctors
4) spiders
5) myself
6) lobsters
7) never getting a boyfriend

Seven things you love (in no order)
1) drawing
2) playing my bass
3) deftones
4) concerts
5) day dreaming
6) cars/driving
7) root beer floats

Seven things you hate
1) my face
2) food (sometimes)
3) when i get in one of my hyper bi polar moods
4) michigan
5) scratching your nail on porcelin
6) pt cruisers
7) winter

Seven things in your room
1) last time i counted, i think i had about 27 posters
2) bats (not real ones)
3) soap shaped like feet and hands
4) clothes
5) clear yellow shower curtain (for my closet)
6) fisher price record player
7) an orange foam head

Seven things to do before death
1) design video games
2) be in a band
3) build the chinese house with erik
4) own an AMC of some sort (preferably eagle or germlin)
5) move to cali
6) mud wrestle
7) go to the jungle

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex
1) arms (i look at the elbow area a lot)
2) hands
3) eyes
4) hair
5) someone i could tell every thing to
6) same interests
7) funny

Top eight movies (in no order)
1) stand by me
2) pulp fiction
3) nightmare before christmas
4) cinderella
5) wedding singer
6) super troopers
7) wizard of oz
8) oriental night fish

Top seven things you say most
1) whats your beef?
2) what the FUCK?!
3) hey lady!
4) i'm stylin, busta!
5) you are a p-i-g, PIG!
6) thats what they all say...
7) hiena...

2 years ago I...
1) had short pink hair
2) my only sibling was born
3) was addicted to cutting myself
4) drove around with sara and shawna in shawnas car all the time
5) was stoned every day

1 year ago I...
1) was trying to 'study' with someone
2) drew a distorted picture of chi cheng
3) james played damone by the deftones and dedicated it to me
4) was friends with 'dirty duck lips'
5) didnt know how to drive in the snow

yesterday I...
1) really needed a punching bag
2) watched full metal hacket with dave
3) stitch (daves cat) bit my hand
4) went to sub way
5) raised one of my grades from an E to a B-

Today I...
1) got a ride to school in a cop car
2) went to bakers square
3) went around THE LOOP
4) am wearing a boy scouts shirt (my favorite shirt)
5) took a final

5 songs I know all the words to...
1) creep - radiohead
2) radio - alkaline trio
3) many deftones songs
4) loser - beck
5) many incubus songs

5 Things I would buy with 1,000,000
1) an AMC gremlin
2) build the chinese house
3) all the houses furnishings
4) a bunch of cds/records/movies
5) either a 5 string bass or an acoustic bass

Top 5 singers/bands
1) deftones
2) incubus
3) nirvana
4) led zeppelin
5) radiohead

i keep my dread locks in a napkin ring

06:08pm 06/01/2003

mood:

crazy

music: vandals - the quickening

so today melissa came up to me and was like 'denise! we all decided that you have to go out with kris!' i asked for more details and she said that her, bob (her boyfriend and my friend), taryn and pat (her boyfriend) and kris were all at t-bonners (taryns). i guess melissa whispered to bob 'i bet kris feels awkward cuz denise isnt here' and that he was like 'yeah!' and then taryn said something about not telling secrets so melissa told her that her and bob want me and kris to be together and taryn said 'i was thinking that already!'
so i guess they all want me to be with kris. amy and erik want me to be with james, but i havent seen him since his graduation party. erik is supposed to call me the next time he hangs out with him.
mmkay. this whole find denise a boyfriend thing is driving me nuts cuz it just is, i dunno why. so sorry about my rambeling. i had to tell someone.
i want to go drive around a bit. i wonder if erik is working tonight so i could go talking to him about getting inked. i plan to have all 3 of my tattoos done by the end of the year.

	oneweak
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